The primary purpose of all of your relationships is to teach you how to grow up and become a better soul and true friend to yourself. The secondary purpose of emotional intimacy in all of your relationships is to learn how to master your mind and your mood. Not so easy when you and yours are tromping through scary mood swamps swarming with small and large alligators, stinging bugs, and biting snakes.


Here are 10 Rules for E-types and I-types to promote good moods and build a bridge of emotional honesty and accountability that fosters goodwill and speeds up problem solving:

  1. If you respect our relationship and me, you will behave in caring and kind ways when you are in a bad mood. (And I will respect your mood viewpoints at all times and vow to put equal effort into co-creating a good mood in our relationship.) E/I-types

  2. If you pick on me to displace your own bad mood, I won’t allow it. (And I will use my Mood Tools every day instead of letting them gather dust on my desk.) E-types

  3. If you threaten to leave me, I will assertively say that I no longer feel safe around you. (And I will commit to saying “yes” to meet your needs instead of withdrawing/arguing/fighting.) E/I-types

  4. If you are yelling, I will calmly confront you. I will not tolerate your emotional blackmail. (And I will reassure you that you are still strong when you share more vulnerable feelings, such as sadness.) E-types

  5. If you are complaining, I will stand back and take a deep breath and pray for an answer. (And I will only give you advice and suggest new change avenues when you ask me to.) E/I-types

  6. If you are exhausted, I won’t criticize you. (And I will fill in, volunteer to help out, and be helpful without being asked or becoming resentful.) E/I-types

  7. If you are throwing a temper tantrum, you can count on me not to make matters any worse. (And I will refrain from spraying you with my anger; I will act assertively instead.) E/I-types

  8. If you are emotionally upset, I will be nurturing towards you without bringing myself down. (And I will take responsibility to calm myself down when I’m upset.) I-types

  9. If you need to talk, I will listen. (And I will talk rather than bottle things up.) I-types

  10. If you trigger a bad mood in me, I will take space to take charge of myself again. (And I will do my utmost not to take on the bad moods of others.) E-types

As an Instigator (I-type) or an Empathizer (E-type) what Mood Color is your relationship causing in YOU today? Are you red with anger, purple with disgust, blue with sadness, yellow with fear, or white with joy? And how closely do you demonstrate the 10 Relationship Mood Rules in your daily relationship behavior? Be honest! Do you balance giving care to the relationship or your partner with giving care to yourself? Or are you or your partner prone to taking care of your needs first and the relationship last...if ever?

Maturity means talking about emotional topics respectfully when the heat is on.

Inside Out: There is inner-personal (inside) power and then there is interpersonal (outside) power. Do you balance giving care to the relationship with the care you give to yourself?

Interested in Marriage Counseling in Dayton, Ohio?

Call or Email Dennis O'Grady for a free phone consultation now.

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Copyright © 2017 by Dr. Dennis O’Grady (937-428-0724).

Distributed under license by New Insights Communication, LLC.

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